I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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