She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
