i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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