here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
