worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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