Your face is a jimmy john
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
