Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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