I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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