we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
