You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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