i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The uberlube is also flammable
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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