he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
