i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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