wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Randomize
