You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
