fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
