I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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