Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
