Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
