I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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