Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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