You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Green mimosas i think yes
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
