I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
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I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize