she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
