I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
