I think my vagina is haunted
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
