Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
