I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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