Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
