I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
