hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
