So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
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Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
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The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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