I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
