in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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