who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
