So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
