are you still at the devil's house?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
