I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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