Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize