I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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