The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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