I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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