Your mouth is God's brothel.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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