Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
