No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
