Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
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its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!