Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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