It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
