I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
