summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
