I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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