Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm passing your future prison.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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