I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
