How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
