you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
