is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
