She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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