I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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