I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
