My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
