guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
