THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
