He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
