Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
