i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
