how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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