You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
