I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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