So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
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the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
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I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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