saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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